it doesn't happen very often, but yeah.....the words in my heart, just wouldn't come out....

(i have worked on this post for over a week and i know that it might seem a bit 'not put together right', but...hang in there, please....and God bless if you make it to the end....for my thoughts were incredibly jumbled!)

i can usually say what's on my mind....on pretty much any topic with almost anyone.

but, when it comes to matters of the heart, i'm a little wimpy.
no. that's a lie.
i'm a lot wimpy.
and i can tear up easier than most.

that said....
remember my holiday party in december i had with my students?

well....there was a point in the evening that, had i not known anyone in that room,
i might have been a little embarrassed...

but...since i did know all 68 people in that room, they were kind enough to pat my hand...my shoulder...and with gentle smiles....

 go on.

in november, one of my students who had been very ill for about a year, passed away.
as she was a good friend to many,

it has been hard  for us, but..we comfort and help each other through the healing process.

she really was an incredible woman.
i miss her so much sometimes....

the first year i planned this party, my student (M-san, from here on), was very adamant about doing something, so she volunteered to recite a poem, in English, that really meant a lot to her.  it was one that had been printed in Readers' Digest and it was about not growing old, but living, instead.
everyone in that room was captivated by her.
she was positively shining.

her passion for learning was epic.

M-san was a bit of a perfectionist, but....it worked for her.

she studied english....she sang....she played the piano...she was involved in various activities in nagasaki....
and she gave 100% in everything she did.

at the party in 2010, she volunteered to give a speech to everyone.  she ended up giving a mini-lecture about Ernest Hemingway.....and it was good.  oh, sure, not all could understand what she was talking about, but....everyone in that room was so impressed with her.

THAT they will remember forever.

last year, the students who came to the party (and even some who could not) each donated 1,000 yen  (about $13) and we took the money and bought Christmas presents for 38 kids, aged 5 months-19 years old, who were living in one of the orphanages here in the city.

we picked out and wrapped presents for each child.

the kuroiwa family decided that doing that felt really good.

this year....i thought that if we did the same thing, it would be a little difficult...i didn't want to mistakenly buy the same presents as last year so....i called the head sister at the orphanage and asked what she thought.

she and the rest of the staff were thinking of purchasing a large board for the entrance way of the orphanage.  it would serve as a place for messages...daily reminders...notices...verses....things of that nature.

the money we gave would help to buy that.,

i felt that, even though we were helping the orphanage again, it would  be nice to share the love even more and i was looking for another group to give a donation.

after the tohoku earthquake and tsunami, feeling such a feeling of helplessness, i asked my students what they thought about donating things to vicitms in that area.

my students were awesome.

almost everyday, for 2 weeks, students brought things.

i went so many times to the drop-off place that the city had that the main workers there would see me pull up and give me a "hey, kuroiwa! .you're back!!".
that? felt awesome.

one day, about a month before the party, i had a bit of an epiphany.

a student had brought me a Christmas card that she had bought on a trip to new zealand.  the card was beautiful and i turned it over to see which company had made it.....

and....like something that is hard to explain....i suddenly remembered, about 4 years ago, M-san had gone to an information meeting by one of the head  people from tokyo....she showed us pamphlets...and told us all about it.....she had bought books...t-shirts....she was oh so excited about the MAW Foundation.

(i believe that, as M-san had been sick many years before and recovered, she knew what it felt like to possibly face death.  she knew how hard it was.  but, for a child to do this....it must be most terrible. that's just the kind of person she was.)

so....that night...i contacted the Make-A-Wish foundation in tokyo...the woman who got my e-mail message just so happened to be the woman who had come to nagasaki...and she remember M-san.

sometimes....the stars and moons and planets really do line up...and all is right.

not only did we donate money and donuts to the orphanage ("yes, i'd like to buy 80 donuts, please."....that was funny!!  i'm sure the ladies at Mr. Donuts are still wondering what i was doing!!), but we also made a donation to the Make-A-Wish Japan Foundation in the memory of our friend, M-san.

by the way....to Make-A-Wish, we donated 50,000 yen (about $640)

and to the orphanage, 45,000 yen (about $580) and enough donuts for all the kids (some had 2!!) and staff.

so, there i was at the party...at the point of the evening where it was my turn to say a few words to everyone.
twelve tables, full of people i positively adore, all looking up at me.

i wanted to tell them how incredibly proud i was to be their teacher....
that i appreciated, more than they would ever know, the fact that they keep coming to my classes...and they encourage friends to come, too.
i wanted to let them know that i looked upon them, not only as students, but, for many....as friends...even family, for some.
i wanted to say that their willingness to help other.....to sometimes do slightly crazy things in class (with smiles on their faces!!) was something that i admired in all of them.
but mostly, i wanted to say that i was pretty sure that M-san was looking down upon us and smiling....that i could feel her there with us.
but....as the words bubbled up in my heart, they got stuck in my throat and i could only croak out a much shortened version of what i really wanted to say.

as i walked around the room, stopping by each table (as i did all night!), visiting everyone, i got  special smiles, a wink or two, a few pats on the arm, my hand got held a few times, someone rubbed my back, i even got hugs.
very few words, though....but i didn't need them.
those actions...really did speak quite loudly.

so...to my students...
thank you.
you warm my heart.

the one where debbie just stopped by to make sure things were going okay....

.......and to holy moly, i know it's late wish you all a very happy new year.

2012 is the year of the dragon...

and since we are almost at the end of well into the month of january, it can be safe to say that

the dragon is treating us pretty good....so far.

the purchase of a not really new but used as a test drive car right before the holidays has already proven to be a really good financial decision for us for the new year.

we bought a kei car....or K car as the Bare Naked Ladies sing about and though it is small and light (K comes from the japanese word karuii, which means "light")...it is still pretty roomy, especially in the back seat where we have 2 sets of very quickly growing legs sitting back there.
plus, i can already see a big difference in what i spend on gas every week.
that is good.

we went for a nissan moco...
she's very cute....

and no, she's not pink....she's actually more of a coral color.
we love her.
and by the way, she doesn't have a name yet...we keep tossing around a couple, but nothing seems to really work....we're not going to rush the naming....i would really hate to choose the wrong one.
we'll keep you posted.

the boys are in the process of winding down their school year....our year goes from april to march.
this week, issei, as a second year student in junior high (in the states, that would be 8th grade) is doing his
shokuba taiken gakushu ("experience the working world") project.

for 3 days, (and this is happening all over the city....some schools do it in the second term, others in the 3rd term) junior high school kids are out in droves in various places around town "working".
issei and one of his friends are at the supermarket not far from our house.
he seems more excited about getting to sleep in a bit and not having to wake up at 6:00 for three days than actually doing the project!!  yes, he'll fit right into the working world!!!

as he was walking out the door this morning (in the light snow we were having....it was so pretty!!), he turned quickly and said,
"don't come and take pictures.....no blogging about this."
"whaaaaaa? do you think i would do that?"
"just. don't."
spoilsport.

so....here's what i'm going to picture him as:

(except...without the tie...)

okay....even as i type, i have another blog post brewing in my head and it's trying to muscle in on what i've got going here....i need to see about doing something with that .
i had possibly and unofficially made tentative plans to put up more stuff this year....gosh! i looks like january might actually have 2 posts!
**gasp**
i know....it's kind of exciting, isn't it?
(^-^)/*
(hahahaha)

happy new year from us, here at kamp kuroiwa....
may your 'year of the dragon' be filled with wonderment and all sorts of fabulous stuff!!!

the one where debbie just let you know she WAS alive....

december 26, 2011

life

and a Christmas party with my students

angsting 13-year-old

9 year-old brother doing what big brother is doing

old car about to go down for the count

student, who was also a very good friend, passing away

pta crap..seriously...total crap, dealing with overbearing mothers

and a lot of piddly little things that make me wanna bang my head on the table.

(and that really hurts)

there has been good stuff,too....

but yeah...

sigh.

the holidays....hell, december came before i was ready.

i joke that my 'to do list'  from september isn't finished yet...and really...

i'm not joking. 

it isn't finished.

but i come to the blogging world and i read YOUR posts and they make me smile.

they remind me that life IS good.

sometimes i laugh out loud.

(^-^)

one of these days,

i will have to find the un-mehness and energy  to sit down here and do this.

but....

i'm not making any promises.

i'll just see you in the new year.

okay?

okay.

sigh.

from beginning to end....PILIALOHA

pilialoha:

 Close friendship, beloved companionship, beloved relative;

loving association; 

to have a loving or tender relationship, 

to be in a bond of love, romance.

on sunday.....some members of one of the hula groups i belong to and i got on a train

and went to a city about an hour and a half away

for a hula show that included some teachers and teachers-in-training (mainly oldER ladies) from our area of the island

 and

(personally, my favorite part) a show....
compliments of Kumu Kapu

 (kumu:  hula teacher/guide/model) who is the teacher for the Kyushu Hula Association. She has her own hula school on the island of Kauai and travels back and forth between there and here.  Some of her students from Hawaii 

**this is actually a picture of the group, na hula o kaohikukapulani...not all of them came, but...many did**

came to perform in the show....
and it was incredibly awesome!!!

the show....

had a wide variety of Polynesian dancing styles.

for example, there was some tahitian dancing...

(and good Lord, but did those girls work it!! they definitely have the coolest costumes!!)

....some maori, from new zealand....

....which also included the  haka  (the war dance maori warriors would do to try and intimidate their enemies before a battle)....

.....a "king" also performed...and strangely enough, he was quite funny....

....he did a fire dance...

...but because the show was indoors and really, fire....inside...on a stage...isn't probably the safest thing to do, he used these instead...

.....and he actually made it work.  

we were quite impressed....oh, we laughed, because he was funny, but yeah...also impressed.

then....they did some samoan slap dancing...

which reminded me of

.....and i was very happy.

~~sigh~~

(^-^)/

ahem....

anyway, the day was wonderful, but what made it even better was that i was with some ladies that i have grown very close to in the past 7 years.

we chatted...we laughed (oh, we laughed a lot!!!)...even the train ride home was kind of noisy!!

we all agreed that it had been a long time since we had had such a nice time.....and we felt guilty about not being with our families for about *snap* that long.

(see....women all over the world are basically the same a lot of the time!!)

one of the ladies from the hula group i joined recently (of which i am still pretty much a newbie) was talking with another lady (eavesdropping, who? whaaaa?) and said that she was surprised at how funny i was (dude! i rock in 2 languages!!).   she repeated a comment i made when the hawaiian girls came out...."i look just like that when i'm dancing at home, by myself."  (^-^)

(and just for the record.....she said she did, too!!)

then, they both laughed!!!

so....for us...our day truly was pilialoha.

(and for that i will forgive them for raising my hand and "volunteering" me to get up on stage {with 5 other "volunteers" from the audience!!} to do tahitian dance.

THAT, my friends....was pretty funny and i'm so very glad that no cameras were aloud in the hall to capture this most embarrassing of moments on film.

thank you baby Jesus, for copyright laws.)

so....this week, my friends....this week of being thankful...may we give thanks for those around us....whether in real life or here in the blogging and facebooking world.... with whom we  share a feeling of pilialoha.

you....are appreciated more than you may ever know.

mahalo,

 for your friendship.

**and thank you, GoogleImages, for supplying me 

with the pictures i needed for this 

post that i was not alowed to take myself....

those that do not belong to me, (which is

most of them on this post) were 

borrowed from there. **

over the past few days~~~

the weather has turned absolutely beautiful.  i used to say that the spring was what i enjoyed the most, but, i'm thinking that i was wrong.  fall is quickly moving into the top position.

the cool, dry air.

the flowers.

(which have caused some incredible sneezing fits, but...
c'est la vie)

weekend fashion for us:

light sweatshirt or long sleeved shirt

shorts

sandals.

it works.

a haiku, by me, for the morning:

The fresh morning air
Crisply, it greets my senses
Fall....cleans the morning.

***********

in a bucket by our front door, as you are leaving or coming home, you are greeted by these 

teeny bits of loveliness!!!

they are seriously....

tiny.

we all kind of smile when we see them....

even the lady who delivers the mail made a comment about them.

that's really nice.

***********

ever have a hankering for something
sweet?
cold?

something ice cream-y....

hmmmm.

ice cream sandwich?

ice cream bar?

which?

how about both?

total yummyliciousness!!

we may have to buy stock in Lotte to help pay for our new addiction.

*************

there is so much english written on signs around us here in japan..

it's many times humorous.

often confusing.

more often than not....it's just plain wrong.

imagine my surprise the other day, when i saw a sign for a new hair salon

in a shopping arcade i like to go to....

it's correct....

and....

it is correct.
so. very. correct.

**************

this morning,
i took out a load of laundry to hang and was greeted by this...

i'm thinking that koji had some free time
and was feeling creative yesterday.
either way.....it made me smile.


may you find something in your day that makes
you smile.

hello? hellooooOOOoo?? is anyone still there???

just in case you were wondering......

and.....

in case you were curious...

meh.

it's also for when it's not

funny enough or sad enough or crazy enough or urgent enough to blog about.

that's the way it has been around here lately....

a lot of little stuff that i can't really get too excited to actually sit down here at my computer and spend the time putting it together.

it's also not that i don't think you'd be interested or anything like that.....it's just that I'M having a hard time 

being interested in it.

  

but....

that's going to change.

my goal is to find something....anything...in a day

 that is

funny or sad or crazy or urgent.

yep.

that's what i'm going to do.

so, come back.

okay?

okay.

thanks.

*********

the one where i tell you about a really great dream i had....

i don't really remember dreams very often.  oh, i'll have flashes of bits and pieces but very rarely do i remember most of one.

the other morning, i woke up and the dream i had had was so vivid in my mind....while the coffee was brewing i wrote it down on a piece of paper....it was that good.

the best thing about this dream....is that it has gotten me to thinking about the future and what i want for my boys.  actually....it has sparked another kind of dream.

there is a long, drawn-out explanation as to why i am not too terribly thrilled with the higher-education system here in japan.  while it may work for many....i'm going to do everything i can to tie up the boys and take them to the states for university encourage my boys to look elsewhere...to know that they have other options.

maybe that's why i had this particular dream....i've been thinking a lot about issei and what his future holds for him.

he is now in the second year of junior high (8th grade for those of you in the states).  next year, his last year of junior high, will be spent preparing for the incredibly difficult entrance exam into high school.

if he passes, he will be allowed into the public school system...which is free.

if he doesn't pass....it's a very expensive private school for him.

the pressure really is almost too much....already.

when kids here enter high school, the main goal is not to graduate, exactly, but to pass the even more difficult entrance exam (yes, another!) into university.  it seems to me that, once you pass that university entrance exam, it's all pretty much downhill from there.

yes, i know. there is more to it, but that is how it basically seems to me.

anyway....i've been milling over in my head different scenarios about issei's future.

angsting, if you will.

it has not been very much fun.

until....the dream.

in this dream, issei graduated from high school
(not sure which kind of high school it was at this point, but, i'm going to keep the positive thoughts flowing and say it was a public school!!).

he had not taken the very long and difficult and expensive university exam because he was not planning on attending a university here in japan.
he went to denver, colorado.
and here is where the dream got kind of fun.

he was living in the basement of my cousin and his wife's house.  they live in a great place very close to downtown denver.
they have an apartment in the basement of their house that is perfect for one person.

he was working in a japanese restaurant that is so close to their house, you can almost see the sign....well,
the bigger one that is on top of the place.

(we went there the last time we were there, so issei knows of this place.)

my cousins, my aunt and uncle, good friends we met from here and another good friend of mine from university all live in denver or very near and he was spending time with all of them.

he was taking classes at one of the universities nearby (there are many!) and he was even taking a class
taught by one of my friends from high school (who actually does teach something science-y at one of the universities!).

the thing is this:  my boys and others like them from families where one parent is from the states have a bit of an advantage...they have american birth certificates.
they have social security numbers.
they ARE americans.
i haven't checked into the details and all that is involved, but i can't help to think that it has to be easier to go  to the states to live and study than it would if they were full-japanese.

what an opportunity this would be for them.
not only would they be in a place where they would be surrounded by family and friends, but....
they would be in a place where it would be easier to use their multi-lingual abilities...
where their bi-culturalism would be more easily accepted.....
or at least....
that's what i'm hoping.

the best thing?  i mentioned this to issei and he was actually thinking about it.
asking questions about it.
the seed has been planted.
now, it's up to me....and "my village".... to make sure that he knows this is
an option that he can use...if he wants.
and oh, how i hope he wants.

 

"taken to the mat" by the thought of ice cream.....

....and not just any ice cream....homemade ice cream.

tonight after dinner, the k-man reminded me about a place here in nagasaki that i have yet to visit.  it's a restaurant that has milk shakes as one of its specialties.

and no, these are not milk shakes in the traditional sense of the american milk shake that you can get at your favorite hamburger joint or drive-in.

no. the nagasaki milk shake (i think there is even a song about it!!) is made by hand, using a whisk and a bowl that is sitting in ice (from what i can gather by the descriptions i have been given).  the ingredients...eggs, milk, cream, vanilla.... are carefully whisked in the bowl for each customer.

yes. each customer.  these milk shakes are made, one at a time.....after they are ordered....not dipped from a huge container that has been sitting in the freezer for Lord only knows how long.

no.....this is truly freshness at its very best.

as the k-man was telling me about this and how he thought we needed to go and have one....i was suddenly hit by a memory that literally, took my breath away.

the last few weeks have been strange...emotionally strange.

not sure if it's because i didn't go to the states this year for the second year in a row...or if it's because i've been a bit melancholy (for want of a better word) with this whole "i've been here for 20 years" thing that i've been doing a lot of thinking about....whatever the reason, i've been on a bit of an emotion roller coaster. 

 it's not anything to worry about, just something i have to work through.

anyway....there we were, sitting at the kitchen table, the k-man telling me about this place, the boys laughing about something they were watching on tv while they were eating their shaved ices...and it hit me.

a memory.

the sound of blocks of ice hitting a sidewalk.

(actually, the guy next door was crushing cans or something, but still.....)

yeah.

ice.

on the sidewalk.

when i was little, i spent a lot of time with my granny and grandpa.

i loved being at their house....i probably spent more time there than i did at my actual home.

granny had an extra freezer in the room off the kitchen....in the weeks getting closer to summer, she would slowly fill the freezer with milk cartons that had been rinsed out and filled with water.

i don't think she ever threw away an empty milk carton....they would all be saved for making ice.

the ice....was for making ice cream.

though this was almost 45 years ago, the freezer they had was not one you had to turn by hand...

(when i grew older i always thought one of those would have been so much fun!!)...

no, we had a fancy-schmancy electric one.

as granny would get the ingredients ready to make the "soup"

...grandpa would be on the back porch, dropping those milk cartons full of ice...breaking the blocks into little pieces to fit around the bucket in the ice cream maker.

see the counter in my granny's kitchen?

(yeah, that's me...and my mom)

i can remember sitting up there while she put all the ingredients into her big, yellow (with the black flowers or lines or something) glass mixing bowl.  i can also remember being a bit jumpy, listening to the sounds of grandpa dropping those blocks of ice (he was a very tall man with a very strong arm!).  but granny would just pat my arm and say, "he's almost done."

she would carefully pour it all into the canister and put in the paddle.

she would carry it out to grandpa (when we got older, that was a grandkid's job) and the ice cream making was now in his hands.

he would fill crushed ice in around the canister, that had been placed a wooden bucket.

he would then put rock salt around on the ice "to make it melt so the ice cream freezes".

(for a long time, i had a hard time understanding that concept, but soon...didn't really worry about it too much!!)

and then....after making sure the motor was on  correctly, one of us kids would plug her in and....

the waiting would begin.

when the ice began to melt, there was a little hole that cold water used to come out of on the wooden bucket...i remember sticking my finger in that hole and even though grandpa would say "don't put that nasty water in your mouth...it tastes terrible", i would, indeed, put my finger in my mouth to taste the water...and yes, it was terrible...but i had to do it. i really did.

after a very, very long time...almost forever!! while, the motor would falter a bit....and then.....stop.

the ice cream was done.

oh....such a joyous sound, that silent ice cream maker had!!!

grandpa would bring the canister into the house...and then the game of "who gets to eat the paddle" would begin.  oh, how i loved it when i was the only one there when they made ice cream...that meant i could eat what was on the paddle and i didn't have to fight anyone for it!!!

granny would pull out the paddle and put it on a plate that we never big enough to hold the paddle so you had to eat fast, because if you didn't, ice cream would melt all over the counter.

i love that ice cream.

sometimes, there is just nothing better than a bowl of homemade vanilla ice cream

to make all bad things go away.

there were a few occasions that we had fresh peaches, either from granny's tree or from the produce stand that was south of town.

later....someone got the brainy idea to

put in a couple smashed up candy bars that we all enjoyed eating. 

oh yeah.

totally yummilicious!!!

i know that i can get an ice cream maker (of sorts) here.....i have granny's recipe and i can get all the ingredients needed (except that particular candy bar..i may have to ad lib on that one!!).

it just won't all be the same....for me.  but....i have decided that i will look into buying an ice cream maker.  maybe the memories we make for the boys won't be the same as my memories, but...that's okay.  it's the making of the memories that is important.

****************

i wish for you all, today, a memory....one that makes you smile,

maybe even shed a tear or two.

and then. may you make a new memory or two with someone

who is with you today.

happy sunday, everyone.

**all photos were borrowed, lovingly, from Google Images**