This morning, as the boys were rushing to get their things done in their room so they could go out and enjoy the day, a tussle erupted.....something about Koji writing on Issei's drawing....Issei stepping on Koji's paper...a small desk not big enough for both boys...yet, an empty school desk sitting quietly in the corner, waiting for someone to use it....a Bionicle that got broke...GameBoy cartridge that got thrown under the bed (amongst a whole new breed of 'fuzz bunnies')...and a lot of other stuff that, to be honest....I just didn't understand.
What I did understand was Issei's comment, uttered in total anger, that life would be so much better without Koji.
As a mom....those words chilled my heart to the core.
I know these thoughts are short lived and soon they will both be on the sofa, laughing at something they are watching on TV.
As an older sister, with two younger brothers (one, the exact same years younger than me as Koji is to Issei), I can admit to thinking, "Oh....I understand, sweetie, I understand."
Yes, I understand the anger. I remember the dolls that were written on (Mrs. Beasley would never recover!) and hair that was cut on those dolls.....a David Cassidy poster (~sigh~) that was "decorated" with lovely colors and designs. I remember the fights (them vs me) and how I never felt I could win against the two of them. How, when I got my driver's license and VW, that I was then responsible for getting them to the sports and games and wherever it was they needed to be, even though I had other places that I also needed to be.
But....how do I make Issei understand that one day, Koji will be his best friend. That the thought of him not being there will scare him so badly, it might make him cry just thinking about it. That even though he's angry right now, when push comes to shove, he will do anything in his power to protect his little brother...at any age. That when they get older, watching his little brother grow and do things, will make him so proud, his heart will feel like it's about to burst.
That maybe someday, when both are married, he'll look at Koji's spouse and think of her NOT as an "in-law" but as just another sibling. That any nephews (or nieces) who are born will be so much a part of his life and heart, it's hard to put a word to the feeling he will get when he sees them.
These are things Issei is going to have to learn...on his own...without any help from me. I can gently guide him to this way of thinking, but....this process is a natural one. I know.
Debbie and her brothers, 1976.