Tuesday, April 17, 2012

some thoughts on being a "soon to be screeching into the station" RAFer

*RAF.....rapidly approaching fifty*
(and yes, if you write the word for that number and not the actual number itself, 
it does seem a bit easier to take/handle/not throw up.
 the pink color and italics seem to help, too)

i have a birthday coming up.
i'm not really sure how i feel about it.
some days, i'm like "oh, yeah...whatever...it's all just a number..look at all my beautiful friends who have celebrated this birthday, and survived. they make it look so easy and wonderful....
meh!  it doesn't matter, really, for i know how old i really feel in my heart" 
(which is about 28, by the way)
yeah.....this is what it feels like.

and then...
there are days
when i'm like
"what?  are you freakin' kidding me??? i'm not that old!
 no. way. no. how."
yeah....it feels just like this.
and while i will be the first in line for most roller coasters....this feeling?
not good.
i know....silly, right?

i read other blog posts of people having this milestone birthday and they are all handling it quite well.
amazingly so.
one friend (who i adore immensely) has declared this her "jubilee year".
others are making lists of "things i wanna do, now that i'm fifty".
(just for the record, i have so many lists of "things i need to do today/this week/this year", that i don't really see this concept working so much for me. but, really, you go ahead.)

i downloaded a book or two, thinking that, as others before me have professed, i would find some kind of inspiration or maybe even a way to accept this passing of time.

that first one (which i actually read in university for a psychology class, but as with much from that time, i have completely forgotten) is a classic and the first on most every one's list of "good stuff to read"....and that second one?  seriously, if a book claims 'discovering the fountain of youth at midlife and beyond' as part of its title, it has to be good, right?

i wouldn't know.

about either one.
it seems that just purchasing these two works of literary genius and having them in my kindle actually made me feel better.
obviously....this is the way i roll into middle age.

and just for the record,
while i was in the states, i also bought a pair of these:
having it pointed out more than a couple times, thank you very much lila! by a good friend, that these really do help (whatever!), i folded and bought a pair.
but, i figured that if i was going to actually purchase a pair of "cheaters",
there would have to be some bling on them....
and none of that brown or black color...
yes, my friends, purple with "diamond" bling were for me.

and no.
i haven't actually used them yet, but
they are in my purse and i strangely feel better just having them there.


fyi....i'm already thinking of a post for tomorrow...
"how i'm holding others responsible for both good and bad feelings about this birthday"
(^-^)  happy tuesday, everyone.


shrink on the couch said...

My reliable standby, everybody has to turn fifty. Or die. I choose fifty.

dkuroiwa said...

given the choice....i'm with you...fifty, it is. and, as my mom told my cousin on his 51st birthday, "see....50 wasn't so bad, was it??"
heh heh heh

Suburban Correspondent said...

I simultaneously don't mind 50 at all and am completely freaked out by 50. Mostly because 50 means that 60 and 70 are real.

I think it was Oscar Wilde who said, "The tragedy of old age is how young you feel."

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

You made it to almost 50 without needing cheaters?! I'm jealous!

Red Shoes said...

The idea of turning fifty used to scare the Hell out of me... but that passed...

Fifty is great... trust me on that one... ;o)


shrink on the couch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss Footloose said...

It's said that fifty is the new thirty, so don't sweat it. I've actually found a solution: Go live in a poor country and people (sadly for them) look so much older than we think they are. Many women at forty look like old grannies. A hard life will do that to you.

Janet said...

50 wasn't so bad :-) Love those glasses!

shrink on the couch said...

You inspired my post. Whew-wee. I sure needed some inspiration.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom!® said...

What Janet said!

Anonymous said...

does anyone mind if i say "zipless fuck".

there, i did. that is an awesome book which my mother forbid me to read in highschool. so i read it as soon as i could (of course)

half way to 100!!

Aunt Snow said...

Fifty is the new thirty, don't you know?

I'm almost through mine, and I've enjoyed it all!