my first ramble of a new decade....

*being 50 fifty, is a bit easier to handle when i'm here in japan*

while we were in the states, i was surrounded by oh so many friends and family and it was wonderful, but.....though i absolutely loved being there and wouldn't trade a second of that time,
it was also a constant reminder as to how old i really am.
no....i'm not living in a state of denial, my friends, but,
a state of deceit.


let me explain---
(and for the purpose of said explanation, the friends that i refer to will be the
particular ones that i went to high school with.)


i seemed to have been a late bloomer in life....not knowing what i really wanted to do with my life and taking "the scenic route" through university, not finishing as quickly as everyone else, getting married later than most everyone and subsequently, also having children later.

my  friends have various lives, but, the majority of them can be divided into two main groups:
those who have no children
and
those whose children are  high school age and older
(the son of one of my friends is turning 30 this year, for crying out loud!!).

do you see where i'm coming from on this?

while many most of my friends are becoming grandparents.....
hmmmmmm....
yeah, i'd like to introduce you
 to my 9-year-old.

the very idea of becoming a grandmother is not even remotely in the same vicinity as my 'realm of possibilties'.

when i was in the states, i saw these 2 beautiful girls, daughters of one of my best friends,...

girls i have known and loved since almost the very moment that they were born...
(this is a picture of them from our wedding)
and now, they are mommies.

and their babies....

were playing with my baby.

in japan, as most of my friends are a bit younger, our children are all about the same age (one is in university, but the boys refer to her as "big sister").
while a few of the parents at the boys' schools are my age, most of them are also younger.
i tend to consider myself the same as them.
not fifty.
see....it's deceiving.
and really...i don't mind that kind of deceit so much.
it's something i can handle.

i waited longer than others to be ready to be a parent,
and until i'm ready to be a grandparent, i'll just enjoy the heck out of those
grand babies of my friends....and those
angels that belong to my sisters.

as long as aunt debbie feels young,
she will rock a new generation of nieces and nephews!

some thoughts on being a "soon to be screeching into the station" RAFer

*RAF.....rapidly approaching fifty*

(and yes, if you write the word for that number and not the actual number itself, 

it does seem a bit easier to take/handle/not throw up.
 the pink color and italics seem to help, too)

i have a birthday coming up.

i'm not really sure how i feel about it.

some days, i'm like "oh, yeah...whatever...it's all just a number..look at all my beautiful friends who have celebrated this birthday, and survived. they make it look so easy and wonderful....
meh!  it doesn't matter, really, for i know how old i really feel in my heart" 

(which is about 28, by the way)

yeah.....this is what it feels like.

and then...
there are days
when i'm like
"what?  are you freakin' kidding me??? i'm not that old!
 no. way. no. how."

yeah....it feels just like this.
and while i will be the first in line for most roller coasters....this feeling?
not good.
i know....silly, right?
~~sigh~~

i read other blog posts of people having this milestone birthday and they are all handling it quite well.
amazingly so.
one friend (who i adore immensely) has declared this her "jubilee year".
others are making lists of "things i wanna do, now that i'm fifty".
(just for the record, i have so many lists of "things i need to do today/this week/this year", that i don't really see this concept working so much for me. but, really, you go ahead.)

i downloaded a book or two, thinking that, as others before me have professed, i would find some kind of inspiration or maybe even a way to accept this passing of time.

that first one (which i actually read in university for a psychology class, but as with much from that time, i have completely forgotten) is a classic and the first on most every one's list of "good stuff to read"....and that second one?  seriously, if a book claims 'discovering the fountain of youth at midlife and beyond' as part of its title, it has to be good, right?

i wouldn't know.

about either one.
it seems that just purchasing these two works of literary genius and having them in my kindle actually made me feel better.
obviously....this is the way i roll into middle age.

and just for the record,
while i was in the states, i also bought a pair of these:

having it pointed out more than a couple times, thank you very much lila! by a good friend, that these really do help (whatever!), i folded and bought a pair.
but, i figured that if i was going to actually purchase a pair of "cheaters",
there would have to be some bling on them....
and none of that brown or black color...
yes, my friends, purple with "diamond" bling were for me.

and no.
i haven't actually used them yet, but
they are in my purse and i strangely feel better just having them there.

*********

fyi....i'm already thinking of a post for tomorrow...
"how i'm holding others responsible for both good and bad feelings about this birthday"
(^-^)  happy tuesday, everyone.

oh...yeah...by the way...i'm back...you know...in Japan.....

so, it's been brought to my attention that i sort of came back to japan a little over a week ago and i seem to have neglected telling you about this/letting you know what we did/sharing the fun we had.

yeah.

sorry about that.

after the last post, the boys and i were going great guns and our schedule got wicked busy.

(but, wicked in a really great way!)
we went back to denver...met friends and family again...had some great food and some awesome beer....
then flew to seattle to meet more friends
and had some more great food (mmmmm sushi!!)...
even did some sightseeing.
**quack quack quack**
(^-^)
in seattle, we stayed with a friend of mine from university...after we graduated, we kept in touch for a bit
and then we sort of "lost" each other.
thanks to the internet and its wonderful 'social networking system',
we found each other again....after 25 years!
("hi, terri!!")
aaaannnd....the proverbial 'icing on our vacation cake', was the
meeting of three people i have loved and appreciated for many years, here in the blogging world.
yep.....Mrs. G....GinaAgainandAgain...and Bad Mom.
What a great afternoon that was!!!

one of the most interesting and yet, not so surprising (when you really think about it) things was that
meeting Terri after such a long time...meeting face-to-face those blogging Goddesses....seeing my friend Ken, after almost 12 years....and spending time with our good friend Kim, after almost 7 years....
not. one. time. did it feel, i don't know, uncomfortable.
you know?
like sometimes when you meet up with someone you haven't seen for awhile, the first few moments are weird.
sort of like , "so....hmmmm...how are you?"
and you're looking at the clock, praying to the 'powers that be' that time would hurry up.
yeah...
that didn't happen....not one time.
even with the friends meeting for the very first time.
THAT....was awesome.


so....to borrow an idea from yet another blogging sistah
(at whose house i do plan on camping out at someday in the near future...count on it!!),
i'm going to do a bit of a
'photo dump' of pictures taken during the last of our trip.
(or was it 'picture purge'? i forget which one she used....)
in order for me to be really lazy to save time, there will be no explanations....if you have a question,
please, ask and i'll try to give you an answer!!!
mahalo, on that.
so...here we go....

~~~southeastern colorado~~~

*no, that's not a real knife...just dorky, yet very lovable, nephew!  

~~denver~~

~~seattle~~

*and, yes...that would be heidi...and jenn...and janet...on sticks...'cause we love 'em*

the other day in class, i was explaining to my students that, when they go on trips overseas, they go to see things...to
visit popular touristy/full of history kind of sites.
me?
i go to see people.
i love my people.
(^-^)
if we happen to do some sightseeing, then that is just
extra special something-to-do with friends.

and yeah...that last picture?
totally an album cover.
you know...if i ever have an album.

have a super week, everyone.
it's monday morning here and the sun is shining and it looks to be a
most
superb kind of day.
hope yours is, too.
you know....superb-like!!