Monday, January 31, 2011

desperately seeking my R

i can't find it.
i know it is here...in this house somewhere...hiding in plain sight, mocking me and my
inability to discover its whereabouts.
dammit.

i need it.

no, it's not one of those things that will cause me to fade away to oblivion
without it, but....it has meaning.
it symbolizes a relatively new friendship that i cherish
as much as i do the old ones.
it's symbolizes the fact that i can't be there with a friend as
she is going through a very difficult time....
again.
dammit.

i received it 5 years ago from that friend.
it's part of a reminder of my friend's
j o u r n e y

as she was about to go through the chemo and radiation and meds and
all other else that was part of the "breast cancer package".

she was given 7 small silver charms....
with the instructions to give those charms to friends that she could count on to be there
for her as she started off on this, a most difficult of
J O U R N E Y s.

i was R.

though i'm a gazillion miles away, i wore that R on a necklace,
sometimes on a bracelet
everyday
for my friend.
she was always in my thoughts
and my prayers.
everyday.

the journey was a long one,
but,
she survived.
she has spent the last couple of years cancer free,
but it has been at a price.
the drugs she has taken to
"help prevent the cancer from coming back"
have played havoc with her body,
made her sick,
and in the long run,
didn't help one freaking bit.

it's back.
and this time....
it's going to take surgery to get rid of it.

i really need to find that R.

i can't be there to hold her hand or offer hugs or
or even feed her silly cat, but, if i could just find
that damn R,
i would at least have something to hold.
something to clinch in my hand
 as i pray at the shrine for her...
or when i have yet another angry discussion with God
about my issues on this whole situation.

until i do find that damn R
(and i will find it)

please, dear friend,
to show my support and love for you
picture me
with pink gloves

shaking some pink pompoms

wearing some really cute pink boots
(if i could just find them in my size)
i'm thinking that if you ever are in need of a smile,
i give you permission to picture me in all three.
at the same time.
dancing
and
wearing this t-shirt
just for you.
please, say a prayer, my dear friends, for MY dearest of friends.
she really needs all the love and support we have.
thank you.


**all pictures posted here tonight were lovingly borrowed from GoogleImages...
it's for a good cause...i don't think they will mind....at least, i hope they don't**

10 comments:

VixenInc said...

Maybe, just maybe, the reason why you can't find the R is because it's not needed anymore :) People tend to feel like they need something to physically represent things in their lives, and it's true, to an extent. But once you, your friend, and the love between the two of you has been proven and a bond has been woven, that physical symbol has effectively played its part and fulfilled its role. The love and thoughts and prayers and charms and everything you can send emotionally and mentally has become stronger than any R could ever be, and the universe knows that.
Eventually, when you do find your R, you'll smile and cherish it, but you'll know that there was a reason you couldn't find it... it knew it had done its job already :)

Nancy said...

I will keep your friend in my prayers ... unfortunately I have a couple I pray about ... she'll be added.

You have that "R" ... even if it's just the one in your heaRt

xoxo

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Even without an "R" you are someone I would want in my corner! I will think good thoughts for your friend.

Shellie said...

Deb, you have many "R"'s in youR life...fRiend, caRe, pRayeRs, heaRt, even though you aRe miles away youR fRiend is in youR heaRt and pRayeRs. And with all those "R"s she will continue to be a suRvivoR with you in heR coRner foR all youR suppoRt. Not only will she know you aRe theRe we all know that no amount of miles would eveR keep youR spiRit fRom being with heR. {{HUGS}} to you as you go thRought this with heR. Shellie

Janet said...

Gosh Debbie, what everyone else has alReady said is nothing less than peRfect. I'm thinking good thoughts foR youR fRiend!

this is the GLASS 4 KIDS BLOG ........ REACH gaffer girls mom mona larson @ said...

i seriously love you ...

mo

Hula Girl at Heart said...

pRayeRs coming heR way!

yogurt said...

My favorite cancer t-shirt of all time is, "Cancer is my bitch." I just know your friend will be claim the right to wear one before long :)

Second thought, you can always take a marker and place an R on the location of her surgery.

jan in nagasaki said...

looks to me like you have found your R ... and it is all over the world....

Mrs. G. said...

I hope you find your R even though I agree with everyone else who wisely insist you have such a sweet, good, loyal HeaRt