desperately seeking my R

i can't find it.

i know it is here...in this house somewhere...hiding in plain sight, mocking me and my

inability to discover its whereabouts.

dammit.

i need it.

no, it's not one of those things that will cause me to fade away to oblivion

without it, but....it has meaning.

it symbolizes a relatively new friendship that i cherish

as much as i do the old ones.

it's symbolizes the fact that i can't be there with a friend as

she is going through a very difficult time....

again.

dammit.

i received it 5 years ago from that friend.
it's part of a reminder of my friend's

j o u r n e y

as she was about to go through the chemo and radiation and meds and

all other else that was part of the "breast cancer package".

she was given 7 small silver charms....

with the instructions to give those charms to friends that she could count on to be there

for her as she started off on this, a most difficult of

J O U R N E Y s.

i was R.

though i'm a gazillion miles away, i wore that R on a necklace,

sometimes on a bracelet

everyday

for my friend.

she was always in my thoughts

and my prayers.

everyday.

the journey was a long one,

but,

she survived.

she has spent the last couple of years cancer free,

but it has been at a price.

the drugs she has taken to

"help prevent the cancer from coming back"

have played havoc with her body,

made her sick,

and in the long run,

didn't help one freaking bit.

it's back.

and this time....

it's going to take surgery to get rid of it.

i really need to find that R.

i can't be there to hold her hand or offer hugs or

or even feed her silly cat, but, if i could just find

that damn R,

i would at least have something to hold.

something to clinch in my hand

 as i pray at the shrine for her...

or when i have yet another angry discussion with God

about my issues on this whole situation.

until i do find that damn R

(and i will find it)

please, dear friend,

to show my support and love for you

picture me

with pink gloves

shaking some pink pompoms

wearing some really cute pink boots

(if i could just find them in my size)

i'm thinking that if you ever are in need of a smile,

i give you permission to picture me in all three.

at the same time.

dancing

and

wearing this t-shirt

just for you.

please, say a prayer, my dear friends, for MY dearest of friends.

she really needs all the love and support we have.

thank you.

**all pictures posted here tonight were lovingly borrowed from GoogleImages...
it's for a good cause...i don't think they will mind....at least, i hope they don't**