angst: a feeling of anxiety, apprehension, or insecurity
As the mother of a 12-year-old boy, this word has become a major part of our vocabulary.
And just for the record, before I go any further, let me just say this:
I am NOT liking this stage...not. one. bit.
We've all had it....the angst. I'm pretty sure that it was recommended as a 'life study' in junior high.
Some of us survived surprisingly well....and
my mom our parents should be commended for not sending us up the river at first chance.
I am, at this very moment, sitting across the table from one very mad, very frustrated 12-year-old. He is doing homework that should have been done during the summer holiday. It is homework that he told me was done. He looked me straight in the eye and assured me he was finished. Guess what? He wasn't. But, he thinks that he should still be able to play his Nintendo AND buy a new game (to the tune of about $45!! Not just "no", but "hell, NO!!")
It doesn't matter how many times I remind him that the situation he finds himself in now is his own doing....no, I am the enemy. I don't know what I'm talking about. And if he knew how to use the word bitch correctly, I'm sure it would have been mumbled countless times under his breath.
I'm not really sure how we got to this point in our lives. The hardest thing is that most everything that comes out of his mouth of late? The feeling of "oh....I remember that" comes over me like an ugly,
pre-teen tidal wave.
I know what it's like to feel as if he is the only person in the world to not have something.
(In his case, a particular DS game...in mine, I'm remembering a pair of saddle oxfords in 6th grade, among other things).
I know what it's like to fall behind in a class (or three) and feel like there is no way that everything is going to get done.
I know that there will always be smarter kids, but that doesn't make me dumb.
I know what it's like to have kids in class that seem to get everything that they want and they never really seem to have to work for it...all they do is ask and voila! it's in their hands.
But, in the process of growing up and becoming the adult, I am now the one who doesn't understand...the one who is being unreasonable....
the one who is partially responsible for the angst, it seems.
So, my friends, here is where I ask for your help...your input...your advice....words of support or...escape routes. (Just kidding about that last one...I'm trying to find some humor here.)
Have you gone through (and survived!) something like this?
As I am the main "parental unit" in situations like these (And please, don't ask why, the explanation is too hard to understand for anyone not in a relationship with a Japanese man), I'm finding myself at more of a loss than I have ever been....which is causing my own angst.
And as I have been told for many years and firmly believe:
If momma's not happy, nobody's happy.
Thanks for "listening"....I feel a little better just typing this all out.